Week 1275: That Is the Question — playing with Shakespeare *Fair is foul, and foul is fair.* /(Macbeth, Act I, Scene 1)/ /How does the umpiring work when the Nationals hold Backwards Day?/ *“What bloody man is that?”* /(Macbeth, Act II, Scene 2) / / What did Prince Charles say when he was introduced to Donald Trump?/ // *It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.* /(Macbeth, Act V, Scene 5)/ /Hey, what did you think of “The Emoji Movie”?/ This week, at the suggestion of Obsessive Loser Duncan Stevens, we offer a new take on our perennial Questionable Journalism contest. This time, instead of having you comb through newspaper stories, we’ll send you to a hoitytoitier source. *This week: Choose a line from Shakespeare (or a significant part of a line) and pair it with a question that the line could humorously answer, *as in Duncan’s examples above. You can find the whole oeuvre of plays and poems at *OpenSourceShakespeare.org*. Please cite the play or poem you’re using. Kathleen Delano, who’s active in the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook, models this week’s second prize at a recent Loser brunch. (Dave Prevar) Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1275* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives this very cool, puffy dragon hat (species of dragon unknown) of shiny fabric, donated by Loser Dave Prevar and modeled here by Style Invitational Devotee Kathleen Delano. The Empress is envious, but will stick for now with her array of tiaras. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, April 23; *results published May 13 (online May 10). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results was submitted by both Jon Gearhart and Jesse Frankovich; Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday, April 12, discusses the new contest and results. Especially if you plan to enter this week, visit wapo.st/styleconv. And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *Art of the DOYLE: Neologisms from Week 1271* **In *Week 1271 * we celebrated the 2,000th blot of Invite ink won by Biggest Loser Ever Chris Doyle, with a neologism contest; the new terms had to have a D, an O, a Y, an L and an E. 4th place: *Delay-O-Matic:* A device built into most hands-free faucets. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.) 3rd place: *Tirade policy:* The Art of the Tantrum approach to exports and imports. Also known as “spittle diplomacy.” (Kevin Dopart, Washington) 2nd place and the “Irish drinking cap”: *Oldyssey:* The epic journey that follows forgetting where you parked your car. “Buying the shoes took 10 minutes, but the oldyssey added an hour and a half.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *Doodeyful:* Faithfully willing to lie for your boss. “Spicer doodeyfully proclaimed the inauguration crowd the biggest ever.” (Brian Collins, Olney, Md.) F-O-Y-L-E-D again! Honorable mentions *Stormy denials: *A tweetstorm from the White House. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) [Sure, we let him enter this contest. Why not?] *Deweyblooper: *A bungled announcement. “Warren and Faye’s Oscar deweyblooper got them invited right back the next year, just to see if they’d do it again.” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) *YOLO bride:* Someone whose parents have deep pockets and one daughter. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio) *Little Lord Fondleroy:* You Know Who’s nickname on the pageant circuit. (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.) *Motherly load:* A take-home “gift” to a visiting child: “That box is Grandma’s dishes, and you know she’d want to keep them in the family. And I bought you new socks . . . Wait, take the leftovers — you’re thin as a rail . . .” (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) *REMployed: *“Working” the night shift. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) *Voldemortify: *To humiliate Death Eaters in public. “The Parkland students continue to voldemortify the NRA.” (Ann Martin, College Park, Md.) *Beige Floyd: *“We don’t need any education . . .” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *Deli-goy:* The guy who orders pastrami on white bread with mayo. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) *Below-dryer: *To Marilyn Monroe,a subway grate . (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) *Deplomacy:* The fine art of damaging international relations. “Believe me, our foreign policy will put a yuge emphasis on deplomacy!” (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) *DiploMEcy: * [See above.] (Warren Tanabe) *Bunemployed: *On maternity leave. (Duncan Stevens) *Cloglodyte: *A houseguest who manages to stop up the shower drain in the space of a weekend visit. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) *Fly a la mode:* Regular (if unintended) dessert at the Screen Door Diner. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) *Formaldejekyll:* An environmentally friendly preservative. (Gary Crockett) *Greed-only memory:* What Martin Shkreli had installed in his laptop. (Chris Doyle) *Lay-bored: * Thinking of England. (Duncan Stevens) *Lead yo-yo:* Something that goes down but never comes back up again. Like a submarine made from old colanders, or presidential approval ratings. (Daniel Galef, Montclair, N.J.) *Kleptodactyl:*A prehistoric bird with sticky talons. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) *Loyaled up:* Brought all your favorite people to Crony Island. (Danielle Nowlin) *Mellow-yellowed: *Condition of teeth exposed to a lifetime of marijuana smoking. (Mark Raffman) *Toyled: *Worked all night at Santa’s workshop. (Jane Pacelli, Annandale, Va.) *Molar derby:* A hockey game. (Kevin Dopart) *“Oy! Delaware”:* That time you realized you left the EZ Pass transponder at home. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.) *Phonytailed: *Sporting artificial locks. “Given that her hair was in a bob two weeks ago, it’s clear that she was phonytailed down to her waist at the party last night.” (Tom Witte) *Smelody:* A tune Dad plays after dinner on Taco Tuesdays. And on Spam Sundays it’s a*Hormelody.* (Jesse Frankovich; Kevin Dopart) **Gobbeldygood: * * Finger-lickin’ delicious! (Beverley Sharp) *Supercalifragilisticexpialidociously:* In a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious manner, duh. (Jesse Frankovich) *Pseudoroyalty*: Mediocre people with such delusions of self-importance that they give themselves Russian monarchical titles, wear tiaras, etc. (Jesse Frankovich) *Doylies:* Amazingly crafted creations on newsprint, decorated with 2,000 blots of ink. (Duncan Stevens) /And last: / *Condoylences: *“Sorry, but I had to give the win to this guy who’s just way more funny and clever than you are. For the 57th time. Best, The Empress.” (Frank Osen) *Still running — deadline Monday night, April 16: our famous horse name “breeding” contest. See wapo.st/invite1274 . * *DON’T MISS AN INVITE!* Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.